Embody Your Feminine Energy Power by Letting Go of Control and Allowing the Man to Take the Lead!
How often do you find yourself doing most of the work in the relationship?
Do you feel like it’s up to YOU to make a relationship happen and keep it going?
Do you work and try SO hard to do things for your man, try to get him to notice and appreciate you, but never seem to get the love and affection you want?
Are you the one making the plans, initiating spending time together, going out of your way to see him, waiting by your phone for him to contact you?
I understand your frustration. I’ve been there. This is part of what kept me from love for SO long. I thought I had to do all of these things to earn love in return.
It wasn’t until I realized I didn’t have to DO anything to earn love. Just being myself and allowing myself to open up and experience everything was more than enough.
In actuality, love was always coming towards me. I was just too shut down and closed off to see it.
And I’m going to tell you that all of that effort and work - otherwise known as “overfunctioning” is never, NEVER going to get you want you want.
The truth is, you are “rowing the boat” in the relationship. You are managing where you are going and how you’re going to get there.
THIS IS CONTROL! And giving it up is hard. But you HAVE to if you want things to be different in your love life.
Why Control Is Hurting Your Relationship
When a woman is rowing the boat, completely embodying her masculine energy (which is getting things done, doing things, anything action oriented), your man may be enjoying the ride, he may like you, and like your company, but he DOES NOT fall in love with you.
It doesn’t matter how “in love” with you he says he’s in. Controlling, rowing the boat energy will only push him further away.
A man’s heart cannot be engaged when a woman is stuck in control.
By doing everything, we are communicating that we don’t trust him to be the provider. We undercut what makes him feel strong and good about himself, which is his ability to care for us and make us HAPPY! That’s all they really want, truly.
So, the man becomes lazy, complacent, vaguely RESENTFUL, and stops trying to make us happy. They sense our distrust in their ability and intention, and feel criticized as a result.
How do you feel when you’re being criticized? Not good, right? It feels awful.
This leads to chronic conflict! Sound familiar??
Our natural instinct is to go in there when your man withdraws and make sure everything is okay, try to FIX it, do something nice, what we feel is right, what we THINK we are supposed to do, but it’s still PUSHING HIM OUT. It’s not going to work.
Bring Him Closer By Giving Up Control
So, what do you do instead? YOU HOLD BACK!!! You put your hand over your mouth, LITERALLY, and step backwards. You don’t DO anything. You back up, back up against the wall.
You literally let go of control, let go of the oars, STOP doing all of the rowing, and allow your man the chance to row the boat and take the lead. You don’t try to FIX things. You don’t try to manage how he rows the boat. You don’t DO ANYTHING.
You just BE there, where you are, just existing. Not doing anything, but just being there, who you are in his presence. Just being there is enough. It’s all you need to do!
How A Relationship Should Look Like
HE’S driving the relationship forward. NOT YOU. You’re the passenger, the lovely, soft, warm, feminine passenger.
This is NOT anti-femininist. And here’s why. You are being proactive. You are visioning where you want to go. You are visioning your happily-ever-after, and you are taking care of your OWN life, NOT revolving your life around his and the relationship.
One of the worst things you can do for yourself is revolving your life around a man. Don't do it!
YOU have the idea of where you want to go in your life, and you’re standing by YOURSELF. HE’S the one doing the heavy lifting! You’re simply there, enjoying the ride, appreciating his work and effort, and receiving the love and affection he has to offer. Doesn’t that sound better than what you’ve been doing?
If you’re able to hold back, it’s going to feel wrong. It’s counterintuitive. That’s why it feels so difficult at first. Because, we are going against what we have been taught our whole lives to do!
I know how frustrating it can feel to sit back and let a man row the boat, and take the lead. We want our man to know we are interested in him, and we want to make it easy for him to ask us out again - so, we inadvertently chase him!
Understanding How Men Are
When you do things for a man, or take charge of things, and manage things, and chase and pursue him, you not only don’t give him a chance to pursue YOU, you don’t give him a chance to “step up!”
All a man wants is to make you happy, to take care of you, to be your knight in shining armor, and love you, AND he wants to be APPRECIATED for all of that.
Men have this innate, primordial need to be the provider. It FEELS GOOD to him to be able to take care of you. It FEELS GOOD to him to be able to make you happy and provide for you. It makes him feel significant, like he’s able to make a difference.
The moment a man starts to feel insignificant in a relationship, like he can’t do anything right, he starts to shut down and loses attraction. He NEEDS to feel valued and appreciated for what he does, all of the little things he does, and in turn, he makes us feel loved, safe, appreciated, and adored.
Stepping back and allowing a man to DO this for you is HUGE. It creates a tremendous feeling of attraction and affection for you in him, and INSPIRES him to step up even more!!!
I am asking you to step back, and start being cherished for who you are, not for what you’re doing. This is what your man wants, to adore you for who and what you are.
All of this doing, this "overfunctioning" can be about not appreciating yourself enough to have reasonable boundaries. It's the classic self-esteem issue that you can only be loved if you earn it.
You know this isn't true. You are enough exactly the way you are. You don't have to do anything except be completely, authentically, 100% yourself, and allow your man to SEE it.
Bring Him Closer By Being In Your Feminine Energy
So, STOP! Just stop! You HAVE to stop all that DOING. You just have to. It clearly never works, so why do we keep doing this? You will never get different results in your love life if you keep repeating the same behaviors.
Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results? That’s the definition of insanity. You HAVE to stop and change what you’re doing. It’s the only way.
Stop controlling. Stop trying to fix things. Stop trying to make something happen. Stop managing. STOP DOING ANYTHING, anything action oriented. It’s not going to work or get you what you want. It’s masculine energy. You don’t want that here.
Step back, allow yourself to just BE in the moment and FEEL whatever feelings and sensations come up in your body. Accept them for what they are, just feelings. They can’t hurt you. The only way out of a feeling is through the feeling. They must be felt. Allow them to be there, as they are.
Surrender to yourself, give up all of that control, and effort, and just BE, who you are in his presence. And, allow yourself and your heart to be open to receive what this man has to give to you.
Vulnerability inspires deeper connections. Trust yourself to let your guard down and open your heart up to him in his presence. You can't receive what he has to give if you have you're guard up.
This is what it means to be in your feminine energy, and I can’t tell you how powerful it is.
You’ll be surprised at what happens if you’re simply able to just stop doing what doesn’t work, stop all of that effort and doing in order to get something, and give up control.
If you want to learn more and go deeper into this, send me a quick message on my “Contact Rylea” page for a free, 25 minute, complimentary discovery coaching session. In the session, I will help you diagnose your problems, and give you tools to use to help you shift your vibe and awaken your man’s love for you.
Love always,
Rylea Rose